He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
