I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
