Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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