Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
