No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
