Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My feet surprised me
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