Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
