So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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