I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
