I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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