she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize