so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
