Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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