This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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