i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
