You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
