just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
