I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
