no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
