then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
