is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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