apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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