need another drink. this is the easiest way
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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