at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
handjob tips. give me some.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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