Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
please come you make the beer taste better
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
