He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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