I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
