note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
