My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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