I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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