We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
