i permit you to call me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
