Define "chronic" masturbator.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
