The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
