if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
