You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Blow job season was short but glorious.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
