did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
