He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The uberlube is also flammable
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
