nut hugger
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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