FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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