WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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