So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
