I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
