I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
