i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize