i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
no, he came in my armpit
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
