You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
