yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
