I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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