Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
