Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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