He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize