forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
