I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was like eating out sand paper
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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