There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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