Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
