ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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