Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
