Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Farmville is her only friend.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
