Say something about gay babies.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
