He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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