Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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