My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
