i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
