Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
